Winter is here and with it comes snow and the resulting snowball fights. We don’t want you to go home from your snowball fight as a weak armed loser with your face whitewashed in a pile of snow and a missing glove. We are here to provide you with the Craziest Gadgets Official Snowball Fight Guide for Guaranteed Victory and Whitewash Domination (or the CGOSFGFGVAWD for short, rolls right off the tongue).
The first and simplest basic tool you will need for quality snowball making is a Sno-Baller Snowball Maker pictured above. It’s quick and easy to make perfectly round snowballs with this tool and you can even use it in the summer as a melon scooper (I’d guess). Perfect to give to the guy on your snowball fight team who can’t throw because he’s wearing like 18 layers under his bulky coat. Under $10 at Amazon.
Now that you’ve utilized your weakest team member to making snowballs, your next point of strategy is long range attack. And this Snowball Slinging Xistera is the snowball fight long range weapon of choice. Fashioned in a curve like a jai-alai player’s stick, this xistera can fling snowballs up to 150 feet. Yep, 150 feet- that’s a huge advantage and much further than most people can throw a snowball unaided. Keep your enemies far far away. Comes as a set of 2 for $25 from Hammacher.
Now that you have your long range attack set, it’s time to work on some defense. Select a spot on the highest available terrain to make it more defensible. A Snow Castle Making Kit will help you build the perfect snow fort or snow castle from which you can defend your territory from all who choose to battle you. You can even make yourself an igloo to sleep in so you can get an early start the next day. $19 from Amazon and it works for sand castles too.
Now that you have a base of operations, your opponents have probably gathered some supplies and are ready to make a charge on your base. Now worries! Because you have a Snowball Blaster that makes and shoots big softball sized snowballs up to 50 feet. Put snow in the chamber and close the lid which packs down 3 perfect snowballs which are then slingshot out when you pull the trigger (no batteries required). Your aim will be true because you’ve practiced ahead of time using the included targets. $29.95 at Hammacher.
While the CGOSFGFGVAWD wants you to win your snowball fight, we do recognize that sometimes the best strategy is to retreat and come back to fight another time when conditions are more favorable to you. But you probably want to get out of there like James SnowBond and not the baby who ran all the way home to Mommy. So get yourself a cool personal escape vehicle like the Zipfy Freestyle Mini Luge Snow Sled. Remember when we told you build your fort on the top of the hill? You can’t sled home uphill! These sleds come in a variety of bright colors, are lightning fast, light enough to easily carry up the hill, easy to control, hold up to 250 pounds, and cost about $35 from Amazon.
So follow these easy steps and snowball fight victory will be yours this Winter!