Sometimes with birthdays you have to go big and spend lots of money and do crazy things like have a giant bouncy castle in your backyard filled with clowns on stilts and llama rides and skeet shooting. And other times you have to keep it minimal (aka being a cheap bastard). The Pocket Birthday is so minimal it’s sad. It’s like a sad clown crying on your birthday. It says that you’re doing the absolute minimum to recognize this person’s birthday. You’re obligated. If you could just light a match and blow it out you would but convention calls for a colorful candle so here’s the smallest one I could find. Because I care. Minimally.