Top 10 Unnecessary Thanksgiving Gadgets

Thanksgiving is almost here and it’s time for a list of the top 10 unnecessary Thanksgiving gadgets:

We really need goggles for cooking now? These Onion Goggles have a foam seal around them to keep those pesky onion odors out and keep you tear free. Man has been cutting onions bare-eyed for thousands of years just fine, thank you very much. Although the glasses could double as part of your Bono Halloween costume.

I guess if you only had one oven mitt you could use this metal-chained contraption to get your turkey out of the roasting pan but the rest of us who don’t like to overly complicate things will just use the double-oven mitt two handed lift like we’ve always done.

Ok, it’s one thing if you want to fry a turkey. I’ve never had that but I’m sure it tastes great because seriously what doesn’t taste great fried? But if you remove the oil from your turkey fryer, then what does that leave you with? This is Oilless Turkey Fryer is nothing more than a propane fueled oven. A giant crock pot basically. It doesn’t take Alton Brown to realize that if you don’t have oil, then by definition alone you’re not frying.

A big loop made of silicone to tie up your turkey or other type of roast.. in case you wanted to spend a lot of money on a replacement for twine. You also have to wash them after each use, which requires a mesh dishwasher bag.

If you happen to be one of the two people in America shooting their own turkey this year. It’s a flavored buckshot alternative. You choose from one of five flavors- cajun, lemon pepper, garlic, teriyaki, or honey mustard; shoot your bird with it and leave the ammo in. The ammo is full of seasoning pellets that not only kill your bird (from up to 45 yards) but also infuse delicious flavor. I know if I ever get shot, I’d like to go teriyaki style.

Just say no to Thanksgiving fashion accessories this year. Please.

Does your spoon really need to rest just above the pot? Is being that anal worth buying this $7 gadget? Won’t keeping your spoon directly above the pot on the stove make it too hot to hold or take a sip from? Seems like the ideal gadget for those types of people that put their cell phone in a rubberized case which then goes inside the leather case on their belt.

Peter Petrie Egg Separator is the most ridiculous egg separator ever. His nose blocks the yolk but the egg whites flow through his nostrils like snot. Gross. I’m all for whimsical and cutesy kitchen gadgets but some just cross the line. This will not be in my kitchen this Thanksgiving.

A phone that looks like an entire turkey dinner? The least they could have done was make it look appetizing. I’m holding out for the white meat phone.

Thanksgiving fashion hits a new low. Just because you spend the entire day with turkey and football stuck in your head doesn’t mean you have have turkey and football ON your head. That’s a real working whistle up there, in case the hat alone wasn’t annoying enough. Personal foul: intentional assclowning, half the distance to a mental institution, repeat 1st down.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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