Schrödinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker

Sometimes you need a little help making important decisions. Don’t worry, science is here to help. It’s the Schrödinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker. Put it on your desk and ask it a yes or no question. If the cat inside, who we will name “Poster Nutbag” for no real reason, appears alive, it’s a yes. If Poster is dead, Poster’s so dead, it’s a no. How about a goldfish?

The video above demonstrates. Now you’re probably scratching your head thinking about who Schrödinger’s Cat was. Click the link for the full explanation but basically it’s a paradox where since we don’t know if the cat inside the box is alive or dead, it is theoretically both alive and dead to the observer. Or something like that.

What you need to know is that when you open the door Poster will be alive or dead, randomly which will answer all your important executive decisions like “should I fire him or not?”. And if Poster is dead, he was likely killed by a vicious bulldog who we will call Harpua. Or he got hit by a comet. Or he was sucked into the depths of hell by an evil vibration of death. Either way you should probably get a goldfish instead. Oh, you want a dog?